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I recently got a dog named King. He’s a goofy-looking, lovable dog that had no problem getting used to his new owners – he became so attached to us, in fact, that when we left to go get dinner the first night, we were treated to a pile of scrapwood that used to be a fence upon our return. We left, he panicked. This is what veterinarians refer to as separation anxiety. Separation anxiety is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety when separated from people with which there is a strong emotional bond or connection. I believe that much of this anxiety springs from an unconscious doubt of commitment and lack of trust. When I say “doubt of commitment” and “lack of trust,” it’s not as if I’m saying that there was a betrayal of trust, it’s just that trust and commitment haven’t been firmly established yet. And based on the last week or so I’ve spent with my new dog, I think a substantial amount of trust and commitment is rooted in simply being there.

“Being there? That sounds so…over-simplified. Clichéd. Easy. Inactive.” That’s what I first though too, until I realized that being with someone is not inactive at all; on the contrary, it is an active, deliberate choice that one makes and is a sign of commitment to another person. My dog King doesn’t require much; a belly rub every once and a while, some food and water, and a walk at night. What he does require, as evidenced by his constant 3-second peek-a-boos as I sit here typing this post, is for me to be with him. That’s all it takes. Me being here with him is a tacit agreement that we have that says “Hey buddy, I’m not going to abandon you. I may go out for dinner, or even back up to Berkeley for a semester, but I’m always going to come back for you.” The more time I spend with him, the stronger that agreement becomes. I can’t win his heart by buying him a $200 doggie bed, or 10 new toys; I patiently communicate my commitment to him through my mere presence. After experiencing this, I’ve realized that human relationships are cultivated in much the same way.

I have a close group of friends from back home who are very dear to me. We all came to know each other through different ways, and have had our fair share of ups and downs, but I can say with confidence that regardless of geographical location or time spent apart, I know that I am committed to them just like they are committed to me. Like my dog, this bond was not born of fancy meals and expensive gifts; to be honest, when we’re together we don’t really do much. We act goofy, pick on a few of the more gullible members of our group, and enjoy each others’ company. But within these seemingly meaningless activities lies the precious gem that is our unconditional friendship.

There is also a parallel to romantic relationships, in particular long-distance relationships. No amount of gifts or cute texts filled with emoticons can replace spending time with someone you’re trying to get to know. Like I’ve said before, just being there is sufficient. You’re conveying to your partner that you’re in it for the long haul and that you’re not going anywhere. There may be times when you’re far apart, but the commitment and trust built up in the early stages of the relationship (which is of course due to spending time with each other) goes a long way in preserving the bond during sustained periods of separation. Technology has come a long way, but Skype and cell phones can never replace the presence of another human being.

Every choice is an action, even if it doesn’t seem like an action. Being with someone is the foundation for being able to be apart. If you have people that are important to you, go and be with them. Don’t hesitate, don’t put it off until tomorrow…take the simple action and just be.

One of my favorite Japanese bands (along with Bump of Chicken, Shiina Ringo [椎名林檎], and Mr. Children) played at the Amoeba on Sunset today. If I hadn’t gone into Kinokuniya bookstore on Monday, I never would’ve seen the promo poster for today’s show, but thankfully the stars were aligned in my favor and I was properly informed of this most momentous of occasions.

This is Chatmonchy’s first American tour, and while they might be apprehensive about touring in the land of English-speakers and XXXL hamburgers, they sure didn’t show it. Their live performance was even better than their recordings, which is saying something – Chatmonchy albums see very regular playtime on my iTunes.

Enough blabbin’ – here are some pictures I took at the show.

I must offer an apology to Kumiko-san; you were in the back and people were blocking my view, so your picture is the least cool. As a fellow drummer, I feel extremely remorseful.

Akiko killin’ it on the bass. Caught her pick at the end of the show and had all three of the band members sign it

And finally, the leader and front(wo)man of the group, Eriko. Her voice is really damn good. And she’s cute. And (imo) this picture turned out the coolest.

Go check out their Myspace for tour dates and stuff!

The song is definitely good, but the thing that really stood out to me the first time I heard it was the music video. It’s actually more of a 9-minute mini-drama than a music video, and the cool part is you don’t really need to understand Japanese to get the story. I’ve translated (hopefully pretty correctly) the dialogue parts, but not the song lyrics (that’d take too long and they’re not directly linked to the content of the video). It’s a pretty romantic story, so maybe it’s appropriate for a late Valentine’s Day post.

The guy is Renji. The girl is Reiko.

[1:25]
Renji (guy): October 25, 2006. I died.

[5:52]
Renji: I’m sorry…it was my fault.
[6:00]
Renji: One more time…I just thought, if I could talk to you one more time…
[6:10]
Renji: I was just fooling myself…God, I’m sorry.
[6:22]
Renji: Reiko…you shouldn’t be here.
[6:33]
Renji: Please…I’m begging you, please…open your eyes. Open your eyes.

[8:53]
Renji: Goodbye.

We’ll nip that one right there.

On to the next topic: ice cream! The boys of 104 (sans Brian plus Consuelo and Grace) had a random outing in San Francisco on Sunday. After hitting up my beloved Kinokuniya Bookstore in Japantown, we drove over to the Mission and ate some Bi-Rite ice cream. Expect a Yelp review sometime soon. The Coffee Toffee was super tasty, but the real reason I wanted to blog was because I took some pictures that came out very…scary. Judge for yourselves, but I never knew ice cream could look so creepy.

The ice cream cone of death.

Those were both with zero post-processing. In a way, the fact that the photo is raw and un-processed freaks me out even more.

Consuelo took this one of Mike. I guess it’s only really funny if you know him. If he ever writes a book, this will be the picture on the back inside sleeve. I’ll keep my comments to myself (haha).

…over a new leaf. A new semester has come, and with it, a new bundle of worries that I know worrying won’t solve. As much as I don’t want to, I’m thinking about my plans after college more and more, and how much those plans don’t really seem like plans at all.

Despite the uneasiness that comes with an impending turning point in one’s life, I was reminded today by a preacher on campus that brightness can be found in even the darkest of places. “This is not rain, this is not rain!” he yelled, as his body was getting drenched by a flurry of rain, “This is sunshine in liquid form!”

That’s right, I thought to myself. Sunshine in liquid form.

But, as is the way of the world, things I don’t want to end are rapidly approaching their termination, and things I don’t want to begin are just upon their inception.

That is not, however, what this post is about. This post is about a lovely new addition to my life that goes by the name of Nikkor 50mm f/1.4 AF-D. Oh yes jolly goodness, I have procured a brand spanking new camera lens.

For people who understand even the most basic camera lingo, I will offer a brief explanation on how this lens is different from your average, everyday camera lens. First of all, it has a fixed focal length, which means NO ZOOM. Some may see this as an inconvenience, but I relish in the fact that my feet are always moving, keeping me more active as a (very amateur) photographer. Because of the lack of a zoom mechanism in this lens, the construction is actually much simpler than a zoom lens, and from what I can tell, takes clearer, sharper, more vivid pictures. Finally, the main reason why most people (including me) buy this lens is for the whopping f/1.4 maximum aperture. This means that I am able to take shots at a much faster shutter speed than I would on a normal lens, which in turn means that low-light situations and action shots are much less of a problem. I guess I’ll just stop talking and post some random test shots…basically my first impressions of the lens in photo form.

Here’s a picture of some oranges (tangerines?) near my house.

The next one was taken by my buddy David, and while it is not your most conventional shot in terms of composition and focus point (ten points to whoever can correctly identify the red blob), I thought that it did show the vividness of color the lens can produce, with zero post processing.

Now I’ll post a couple pics displaying the shallow depth of field that occurs when shooting with this lens at a large aperture.

And here’s a person…who just happens to be my good friend Eileen. Who sucks at being a model. Because she’s going to bust up laughing a split second after I snap this photo. sigh. Not natural at all..

For people who really know camera lingo (or Japanese), here is an example of the lens’s bokeh. Simply put, bokeh is the quality of the out-of-focus part of a photo. If a photo has bad bokeh, the out-of-focus area might feature a jarring image that sort of makes you twitch and want to look away from the photo. A photo with good bokeh, on the other hand, has an out of focus area that is usually very soft and pleasing to the eye. Here is an example of what I believe to be pretty decent bokeh…if you’re really observant, you would have noticed that the out-of-focus light points all have seven sides. This is not a coincidence; the diaphragm of this particular lens has seven blades, creating these rather unique seven-sided light points.

The final two pictures don’t necessarily highlight any particular characteristic of the new lens, I just thought they were cool. First, is an over-exposed, blurred-out picture of the back of Eileen’s head, taken again by David. I thought it was a pretty bad picture at first, but for some reason the more I looked at it the more I thought “Hey, I actually really like this.”

And finally, a picture of David’s butt. I couldn’t resist snapping a shot of these Somet 008′s and Bape x Birkenstocks.

This past year has been a roller coaster, to say the least. I had a one of a kind study abroad adventure in Kyoto, Japan that has impacted my general worldview and my future career plans in ways that I couldn’t even anticipate 12 months ago. I’ve met a ton of new people that have challenged me and changed me for the better, but I’ve also experienced some losses in the family that made things a bit tougher at times. None of these losses were as difficult as the loss of my grandfather this past January.

To put it bluntly, last year’s Christmas really sucked. There were a lot of visits to and from the hospital, and a lot of wondering if my grandfather was actually going to get better or not. Eventually, after persevering through various painful medical procedures and a period of generally terrible health, he passed away. As many of you that have experienced the death of a family member might know, the months after a loved one passes are a mysterious time. I, at least, suddenly found myself a little more “spiritual,” sometimes speaking out loud to my grandfather as if we were simply having a conversation. I wondered what he’d really be saying to me if he were still living, which was very hard to imagine given that he rarely spoke anyway. Today, my mother showed me an article about a Japanese singer named Masafumi Akikawa (秋川雅史), and I did a quick YouTube search to listen to his hit song, Sen no Kaze ni Natte (A Thousand Winds). As I was listening to the song, I started to feel like maybe this is what the other half of the conversation sounds like…what my grandfather would be saying. This is not a cheery, holiday post, but I think it reflects the distance that I’ve traveled between two Christmases.

私のお墓の前で 泣かないでください
Watashi no ohaka no mae de Nakanai de kudasai
Do not weep at my grave.
そこに私はいません 眠ってなんかいません
Soko ni watashi wa imasen Nemutte nanka imasen
I am not there. I am not sleeping.
千の風に 千の風になって
Sen no kaze ni Sen no kaze ni natte
A thousand winds. I will become a thousand winds.
あの大きな空を 吹きわたっています
Ano ooki na sora wo fukiwatatte imasu
I blow in the great sky.

秋には光になって 畑にふりそそぐ
Aki ni wa hikari ni natte Hatake ni furisosogu
In the autumn, I am the light that falls upon the crop fields.
冬はダイヤのように きらめく雪になる
Fuyu wa daiya no you ni Kirameku yuki ni naru
In the winter, I am the falling snow that shines as a diamond.
朝は鳥になって あなたを目覚めさせる
Asa wa tori ni natte Anata wo mezamesaseru
In the morning, I am the bird to whose song you awake.
夜は星になって あなたを見守る
Yoru wa hoshi ni natte Anata wo mimamoru
At night, I am the stars that watch over you.

私のお墓の前で 泣かないでください
Watashi no ohaka no mae de Nakanai de kudasai
Do not cry at my grave.
そこに私はいません 死んでなんかいません
Soko ni watashi wa imasen Shinde nanka imasen
I am not there. I did not die.
千の風に 千の風になって
Sen no kaze ni Sen no kaze ni natte
As a thousand winds. As a thousand winds.
あの大きな空を 吹きわたっています
Ano ooki na sora wo fukiwatatte imasu
That blow in the great sky.
千の風に 千の風になって
Sen no kaze ni Sen no kaze ni natte
As a thousand winds. As a thousand winds.
あの大きな空を 吹きわたっています
Ano ooki na sora wo fukiwatatte imasu
That blow in the great sky.
あの大きな空を 吹きわたっています
Ano ooki na sora wo Fukiwatatte imasu
I blow in the great sky.