Human Beings Are Like Dogs

June 8, 2010, 4:13 pm
Filed under: general

Human beings are like dogs. Or rather, human relationships can be more easily understood by first trying to understand the psyche of a dog. Granted, our perceptions of what dogs are thinking and feeling will be skewed towards an easier to understand human interpretation, but for our purposes, that is exactly what we want.

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I recently got a dog named King. He’s a goofy-looking, lovable dog that had no problem getting used to his new owners – he became so attached to us, in fact, that when we left to go get dinner the first night, we were treated to a pile of scrapwood that used to be a fence upon our return. We left, he panicked. This is what veterinarians refer to as separation anxiety. Separation anxiety is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety when separated from people with which there is a strong emotional bond or connection. I believe that much of this anxiety springs from an unconscious doubt of commitment and lack of trust. When I say “doubt of commitment” and “lack of trust,” it’s not as if I’m saying that there was a betrayal of trust, it’s just that trust and commitment haven’t been firmly established yet. And based on the last week or so I’ve spent with my new dog, I think a substantial amount of trust and commitment is rooted in simply being there.

“Being there? That sounds so…over-simplified. Clichéd. Easy. Inactive.” That’s what I first though too, until I realized that being with someone is not inactive at all; on the contrary, it is an active, deliberate choice that one makes and is a sign of commitment to another person. My dog King doesn’t require much; a belly rub every once and a while, some food and water, and a walk at night. What he does require, as evidenced by his constant 3-second peek-a-boos as I sit here typing this post, is for me to be with him. That’s all it takes. Me being here with him is a tacit agreement that we have that says “Hey buddy, I’m not going to abandon you. I may go out for dinner, or even back up to Berkeley for a semester, but I’m always going to come back for you.” The more time I spend with him, the stronger that agreement becomes. I can’t win his heart by buying him a $200 doggie bed, or 10 new toys; I patiently communicate my commitment to him through my mere presence. After experiencing this, I’ve realized that human relationships are cultivated in much the same way.

I have a close group of friends from back home who are very dear to me. We all came to know each other through different ways, and have had our fair share of ups and downs, but I can say with confidence that regardless of geographical location or time spent apart, I know that I am committed to them just like they are committed to me. Like my dog, this bond was not born of fancy meals and expensive gifts; to be honest, when we’re together we don’t really do much. We act goofy, pick on a few of the more gullible members of our group, and enjoy each others’ company. But within these seemingly meaningless activities lies the precious gem that is our unconditional friendship.

There is also a parallel to romantic relationships, in particular long-distance relationships. No amount of gifts or cute texts filled with emoticons can replace spending time with someone you’re trying to get to know. Like I’ve said before, just being there is sufficient. You’re conveying to your partner that you’re in it for the long haul and that you’re not going anywhere. There may be times when you’re far apart, but the commitment and trust built up in the early stages of the relationship (which is of course due to spending time with each other) goes a long way in preserving the bond during sustained periods of separation. Technology has come a long way, but Skype and cell phones can never replace the presence of another human being.

Every choice is an action, even if it doesn’t seem like an action. Being with someone is the foundation for being able to be apart. If you have people that are important to you, go and be with them. Don’t hesitate, don’t put it off until tomorrow…take the simple action and just be.